So I walked into the UDF at First and High and asked for a vanilla malt.
"You know vanilla is extra?" the local, possibly inbred girl said.
"Um...what's extra?" I asked.
"Vanilla."
"If that is extra, then exactly what ice cream do you use to make malts and shakes?" I replied.
"Malt base" she said.
"Malt base? What exactly is malt base?"
She showed me this tub that plainly said 'Malt base' on the side...the contents appearing for all intents and purposes like frozen whitish ice.
"How much extra for vanilla?"
"A dollar-fifty."
"Just make the thing as is."
I took home this malt made with 'malt base', this chocolate flavoured syrup, and some form of 'malt flavour'.
America is almost over.